Silent conversation

"Why are you upset?"
He DOES NOT ask,
But absorbs himself
In a game, or task.

"There's no need to ask me."
She THINKS in reply,
The same old fight
The same old WHYs?

Tonight will be different,
She'll just move her things-
Open a suitcase
Take off her rings

Make a spare bedroom,
No need to shout
Her heart's been vacant too long,
It's time to move out.

Tire of hoping-
He'll be what she needs.
Tire of giving credit,
To all his "good deeds".

Like his keeping a job,
And coming home every night...
It just isn't enough
Without love in his eyes.

And yet, there is love-
But it's old and worn ragged,
Monotony's not cold and smooth,
It's splintery and jagged.

Every single day,
The same routine.
The same bitter hope,
The same empty dreams.

"Why is she upset?"
The words float in his head-
As he holds her pillow,
Alone, in his big empty bed.

A. Sexton, (kudos for the influence)

The excuses pile up like dirty dishes,
A plate for this, a reason for that-
Forgot which cup was mine...
So I'll just dirty another.


My kitchen, life, fills up with-
Grimy, sticky, greasy reminders
Of things that were, sauces that covered,
Wine which numbed- things I've done-
some good, some ill.


Where is the soap? Where are you?
Dozing off, or entranced by the sword play of some other life.
I want to go-
I leave the dishes, and the excuses...
Only to face them in the morning.


But...I never really leave.
I never really look at the nothing you say
And understand what it means.
Tis not malice, or violence existing between us,
Simply a void, gray and murky- unpleasant.


Is it an illness, or madness, or a slow death?
I see the disorder-
But Order will not fix the problems,
Or validate the excuses, mine or yours,
It only enables me to stay.


It enables me to keep pretending, for a time, that all is well.
I load up the dishwasher and go to bed.
Wondering...How much of my life have I traded-
for whats piling up in my kitchen,
and the excuses stacked up in my heart?

"Exploring"

Life,

Loss,

Love,

Death,

Changes big and small-

-

Living,

Breathing,

Just existing-

I question...

-

"Is this all?"

-

Hello,

Goodbye,

Time flies by-

I stumble, slip,

I fall.

-

Bruised and bloodied I'll rise again,

but first I have to crawl.

-

Passionate heat,

Flames compete,

Oxygen consumed.

-

The fire's hot,

It's got to stop-

But only when it's through.

Burned everything in view,

-

Everything--- but you.

-

Walk beside me,

I'll let you guide me-

Hold my hands, my heart.

-

Laughing,

Loving,

Living,

Breathing-

-

Doing more "than just existing"-

My life...

Exploring every part.

Simply Amazing~

1=31036">http://health.msn.com/health-topics/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100198903>1=31036

Woman's Abdominal Organs Removed in Unique Cancer Surgery
Taking out stomach, pancreas, liver, spleen, small intestine and large intestine led to lifesaving operation
By Steven Reinberg, HealthDay Reporter

I'm not sure how many times in your life you've been told that something was impossible- or couldn't be done. I know as I've gotten older I've seen 1 of 2 things happen- either we accept another person's opinion about a situation, or we press on if we feel strongly enough to determine for ourselves what a particular outcome can or will be.

Ultimately- "we"...you and I decide a path and we follow it.
A good friend once sent me a video of Jim Valvano and his "Never give up" speech- and to this day I am moved to tears when I watch the whole thing.

Miracles happen every day. People overcome odds and adversity every hour. Yesterday I read a story about a young man with a head injury who was pronounced "brain dead"- and moments before his organs were harvested it was discovered that he was very much alive.
He actually heard the Dr. say "This patient is brain dead."!!!

Some people, a few of them well intentioned, make it their duty to tell people what can and can not be done. It's ok to be told "That's impossible" if that statement is the catalyst that pushes you to run a little harder, or ask deeper questions, or to press the powers that be to try once more- or to try something different.

At least one woman is alive today because she wouldn't give up, a 63 year old patient in Florida with a death sentence has beaten the odds and in her own words, she said- "I have a whole life ahead of me."

Amen sister- that you do. Thanks for the inspiration you have given to me...in so many areas of my life. I've got a whole life ahead of me too :)

Benazir Bhutto knew- EVERY time she went out into the public square she was a target. Her supporters knew this too and by showing up for her public events they might also be a target.

"Islamic clerics tried to get a court to bar her from running in elections. She was a bad Muslim, they said.
"Anyone who supports the Pakistan People's Party will not enter heaven," a Muslim cleric in Lahore, Abdul Qadir, told a Friday prayer congregation ahead of the October 1990 elections. "
Of course she was a "Bad Muslim"- all of her early education was done in Roman Catholic schools with names like, " Lady Jennings Nursery School" and then the Convent of Jesus and Mary in Karachi.[2] After two years of schooling at the Rawalpindi Presentation Convent, she was sent to the Jesus and Mary Convent at Murree.

I'm not saying Benazir was a Christian, but she defintiely didn't go to a Muslim school as a child.
Could that be because there was no such place for a little girl to go back in the stone ages of Pakistan? Might it be the only institution that would cater to teaching (worthless?) little girls was that of the Christian faith? Surely, in her early years, she was somewhat shaped by a religion of grace and forgiveness; and a belief system shared by many of the founding fathers of our country, a place of democracy. Unlike the most of the Muslim leaders in the middle east who see women as merely property...or less. (one islamic document I read referred to women simply as f*ckable C*nts )

Not much has changed I'm afraid...seems Pakistan is still in the stone ages, except where technology and nuclear weapons are concerend.

Here's my point though- back to the beginning of the post- Benazir knew she was a target...every day, in every public situation- she knew her life was at risk. Her father was killed, as well as 2 brothers. She was painfully aware that her stabs at democracy would most likely shorten her life- and she was right.

My question to the American people is this- "Are you aware that WE are a target too?" The same democracy Bhutto struggled to bring to her country is the same stuff we piddle away everyday. Everything from not paying attention to how much of your paycheck is eaten up in taxes, to not voting...weakens our country. We are too easily distracted...we long for it actually- (what else explains Paris Hilton?) and too comfortable to get our feathers ruffled over the idea that the next ring of gunshots- or bombs going off....might just be aimed at us.

Benazir knew a laser sight was always locked on her heart and her head.
Don't ignore the red beam when you see it pointed in our direction. And don't tell me that no body warned you...
We are a target too, and getting bigger every day.

Borrowed~

FOUR

Four things to do before I die

1. Watch my kids fully mature into the wonderful adults they are becoming.
2. See my first book- (and the next 20?)- on Display at Barnes and Noble
3. Teach English, or a skill, to kids in a 3rd world country- live in the South Pacific
4. Hold my Grandchildren and my Great Grandchildren

Four things I can't do

1. Stop writing.
2. Comprehend how complicated life is- and how often it hurts.
3. Complex math- (anything past algerbra!)
4. Walk away from someone I know is in pain.

Four things I say often

1. Thank you Darlin'
2. Good Heavens~
3. I love you
4. Dumb-Apple!

Four movies I could watch over and over again

1. Monty Python and the Holy Grail
2. Casino Royale
3. Jungle Book (I know, I know- but I love it :)
4. The Princess Bride and Big Fish...a toss up!

Four jobs I've had

1. Telemarketing
2. Office Admin
3. Teacher
4. Public Relations Coordinator

Four places I've lived

1. Charleston, SC (birthplace)
2. Bahama, NC
3. Durham, NC
4. I'd love to move to Asheville NC

Four TV shows I like to watch

1. 24
2. My name is Earl
3. Discovery Channel
4. History Channel

Four places I've been on holiday (vacation)

1. Las Vegas
2. New York City
3. Vero Beach Florida
4. Charleston SC

Four favorite dishes

1. Steamed Oysters
2. My Pot Roast
3. Grilled Salmon
4. Sushi

Four places I'd rather be

1. Island in the South Pacific
2. Phillipines- Manila?
3. Ireland or the Cotswolds
4. South Florida

The four people you most admire that aren't in your immediate or extended family:

1. CS Lewis
2. Rush Limbaugh
3. Hellen Keller and Emily Dickinson
4. Men and women of our Armed forces

Respect vs Reverence~

My thanks to Gary Zukov-and "Seat of the Soul"

-

-"Reverence is an attitude of honoring life."

"Respect is a judgement."

I've lost respect for someone close to me- my father. I thought I was merely angry or disappointed in him, until I read the words above and realized it was my "respect" that was missing. And my "respect" is merely a judegement.

I'm exhausted from "judgements". I want little to do with the whole business of judging people or being judged by others. I'm weary of it, and from it.

This brings me to Reverence. I realize it's a divine thing.

Reverence is like the the ocean...and "respect" is a meager little float bobbing on the surface of the water. I've been holding on to this little tiny yellow float- thinking it had meaning and power...and all the while the greater thing keeps splashing me in the face.

The float keeps me from having to learn to swim the depths of reverence. The float, or "respect" has nothing to do with love, or grace, or divine power- it is merely human. It is an artifical placing of power. It is shallow. It is faulty.

Being Reverent allows me to see people differently. There is no need for respect in the eyes of a reverent person because they see everyone the same way...as living beings with the capacity for goodness and evil, power and corruption, love and apathy.

My father is still a person I must see with Reverence. Do you see the power of that?

I can accept him being a person as a being just like me- capable of many things- and let my "judgements" scatter like ashes on the water and disappear into the ocean of reverence.

My seeing my Dad with reverence does not negate the foolish or painful choices he's made, nor does it absolve him of his mistakes...what it does though...it absolves ME from carrying the unbearable weight of "judegement".

It's impossible to see the world with reverent eyes without the aid of forgiveness.

Today is a glorious new day. I've shed the heavy coat of sorrow I've been wearing- and sadly unaware that I even had it on until it slipped off. Much like the first 24 hours I ever used my asthma medication- I was absolutely stunned by how little I had been breathing in the weeks and months before.

Life can exist in the barest of margins... but it does not flourish there~ It flourishes in the Light, and in love...

Peace to you- all of you.