Public or Private?

If you write something out here- on a blog- it's Public.

If you write something at home in a journal- it's Private.

You can't write something on a blog and say "This is just for me"- there's no logic in that statement. It's impossible for your writing to be for you and you alone when you broadcast it to the world. You might as well be stepping out in a big pink evening gown on the Red carpet and shouting to the photographers "I dressed for me! Don't look!"

Pshhhhh!

He says it's just for him...but he knows I will read it.

He an isolationist- who knows how to reach out and grab you...

but he does not care how long you sit outside waiting for him.

I once described him as a hermit.

A hermit I came to love.

A hermit who has hurt me repeatedly with his silence...

And yet- I know this is exactly what a hermit does.

He's not to blame for my ache- I am.

The thing though- the thing that gets me...is that I saw all of him once.

He even let me hold him...unguarded and vulnerable- and I will never

have that again.

But every now and then, he pokes out his head to let me see part of what I can not
have...and then taunts me with his words- "This is for me...and me alone. Not you!"

Why- sigh- why?

I'm not very complicated. I wanted to be loved- and to give love. I wanted the tingle. I wanted him. He said he loved me too...and he wanted me- but only on his terms?

I'll be honest here- I have a journal for private things I don't want the world to read. I have volumns of books with hundreds of thousands of my own words- penned by my own hand- for my eyes only. If I write something out here- it's public, not private.

When YOU write something out here- it's PUBLIC- not private.

but you already know that...

It's why you write the way you do-
You know I will see it...because you want me to. It's not just for you...it never was.