Tuesday, September 25, 2007

The back story~

39 years...
Wrapped up and tossed.
Thousands of moments-
Crumpled and lost.

Too many incidents-
Too much to forget,
Simply kill the Union,
Get past the regret.

He can live his life,
And she can live alone.
The kids are all grown ups
With homes of thier own.

And yet- there's the sting-
No more "Mom and Dad".
No longer a Unit...
And it just makes me sad.

Because I wanted to believe-
And I wanted them to make it,
But indeed there comes a time-
When 2 can no longer fake it.

A disolution of marriage,
Freedom from ties-
So many years vested~
Kiss them goodbye...


Yeah- I know this is sappy. I know, as a 38 year old woman, seeing my parents divorce is 1) no big surprise, and 2) maybe shouldn't sting quite as much as it does.
Yet- here I am.

Too many people close to the matter at hand read MV- and I simply can not write about this there. My mom and dad are fine with the arrangements they've made- but why is it hard for me? It scares me. I wish they had done this when they had been married less than 20 years, because the same problems I see now are the same problems they had then...and what does this say about me and my issues in marriage?

I know I am not my parents. I know I've made better choices because of their failures- so not all is lost, and yet- I've made some pretty big mistakes myself.

When my parents reached their 18 year anniversary- my mom was 36- dad 40, and they had 6 kids...the youngest was an infant. To be sure- that many kids only added to the problems my parents had. Much of the woe they experienced they brought on themselves. In one way- I almost see my mom using pregnancy and little ones as an excuse to avoid the problems she had with dad. Dad did nothing to fix the relationship either. Lots of kids gave the illusion of a happy family- and since he was the product of an alcoholic environment- keeping up "illusions" was the only way of life he ever knew.


How much of an illusion do I keep up?

2 comments:

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-Cora said...

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